Questions
by NessaRose89
Summary: Becker has been hurt- here are Connors thoughts. One sided Connor/Becker


Disclaimer: I do not own Primeval.

People die. Morbid, but there it is. They're born, they live their lives, and then they die. But then, some people die before they get the chance to live their lives. They die before they get the chance to say the things they want to say, before they have a chance to be with the one person they really want to be with…

And they leave people behind. People that are left wishing they could finally admit whatever it is they want to admit. Left wishing that they could see them one last time…that they could take back that last argument, or change that one thing… the what if's that could drive you insane.

That doesn't stop anyone from doing it_. What if_ he had told him how I felt? _What if_ he hadn't started that fight_? What if_ he had moved faster? _What if_ he hadn't been so damn **_stupid_**?

Stephen was dead. Cutter was dead. Sarah was dead. Jenny left. Danny was… traveling through anomalies searching for his psychotic brother. Connor's life just seemed to be riddled with loss, and all of them were hard. It just seemed that every single time, Connor felt a piece of himself go with them. He was afraid that sooner or later, there wouldn't be anything of him left.

And then it happened. Becker.

Connor hadn't felt anything like this. This complete and utter… emptiness.

They were all at the ARC, sitting outside medical. Matt was holding Emily. Jess was sobbing against Abby's shoulder. Abby had her jaw clenched as she slowly rocked the other woman back and forth. And Connor? Connor didn't feel anything.

He knew they had tried talking to him. He had heard the voices ringing in his ears, though he couldn't make out the words. Nothings seemed to register. The only thing that seemed to penetrate his mind was the thought of Becker, lying inside that room, fighting to stay alive.

And that led him to the moment that led to this one, the way Connor had tripped over a rock as the predator lunged at him. Connor had known that this was going to be his last moment, that he would be reunited with other members of the team. He thought of Abby with regret. Thought of the feelings he had for a _different _member of the team that he had never expressed. He had closed his eyes, waiting for the intense pain he knew was coming.

Only it didn't. He felt pain, yes, but only the pain of being slammed into the ground.

Then he heard the scream of pain, followed closely by gunshots and the sound of something else hitting the ground.

He hadn't wanted to look up. He knew what he was going to see was worse than anything he had possibly imagined. And he had imagined a lot. Being on a team that faced life and death situations with the people you care about the most does that to you. You spend nights wondering about what could happen. How it could happen. Praying that there wouldn't be another Stephen incident. Or Cutter.

And then he looked up.

And he saw the blood. So much blood. Heard the gasps and labored breathing. Saw Abby running forward, Matt calling for Jess.

And he couldn't move. He had only followed them to follow Becker. He had sank down to the floor almost instantly once they got into the ARC.

He knew Abby had tried to talk to him. Had heard Matt speaking to him frantically, listened to Lester's sarcastic tone, had heard Jess's sobs. But there was only one voice he wanted to hear, and that voice was currently lying in a bed.

Becker was with Jess, Connor knew that. And Connor was with Abby. He was happy with Abby. But sometimes, he wondered what would have happened if he had made the other decision. Not that he thought Becker would have agreed. But if it was a perfect world, a world where anything could happen, and Becker would have agreed to give them a shot, would he have still chosen Abby? If he had thought it was possible…

What was the point in even thinking about what could have happened? Nothing would ever, _could ever_, come with it.

"Connor? Connor?! Did you hear Lester? Becker's going to be okay! Connor?"


End file.
